March 2, 2011

Dawn…and night

By matthewbuley

Are you as bad at waiting as I am?  I hate waiting.  I hate stoplights, lines and being on hold.  I have to admit how hard it is for me to wait for God too, to keep praying for the same thing wondering if it will ever come.

Our Six

Imagine waiting for God to give you a family.  Analiza, Jenive, Bernardo, Birny, Jeffrey and Rafael have been praying for parents since 2005.  Every day and then some.  They wait and wait with no idea if the prayer will be answered.

My devotions brought me to Isaiah 21 this morning.  After reading the repeated question, “Watchman, how far gone is the night,” verse 12 stopped me.  “The watchman says, ‘Morning comes but also night.  If you would inquire, inquire; Come back again.’”

Morning will come, the light will break at the horizon and we will have our dawn.  “…but also night.”  That’s what hit me.  There is a place for the night too.  There is darkness and unknown for a reason.  You are anxious and afraid and anticipating the new day, but there is a place for that anxiety, fear and waiting.  There is especially a place for your hope for what will come.  There is a purpose for all of it.  Keep hoping, and keep asking.  The watchman invites us to keep coming back to ask the same question when we feel the need to again.

Funny how we go to God most often when we are worrying and afraid.  No wonder there is the night.  I can be so consumed by the waiting and wondering when God will answer, that I fail to savor the fact that the waiting is drawing me to God more often than even the excitement of “arriving” can.

God will answer our prayers and open a door.  Of course, we never know if it will be the one we had in mind.  I just pray that those six kids will get the answer they’re asking for.  As I pray with them, I pray for them to be blessed in their waiting too…and that you will join me on their behalf.

5 comments   |  tags: , , , | posted in CSC Kids, Faith & Theology

February 16, 2011

The audacity

By matthewbuley

I have this note on my desk that I’ve been carrying around with me for weeks.  I can’t get over the audacity of some people.

It was sent by a couple who have been giving to CSC generously for many years:

“Please withdraw our name from your mailing list.  We are old and cannot continue to send money.  Thank you for letting us be a part of your ministry for so many years! God Bless.”

Other than their names at the bottom, that was all it said.  I know these names, I’ve seen their giving history.  These people have been faithful donors.  Somewhere along the way they stopped giving $50 every month and started giving $100.  I can’t believe they wrote thanking us for the opportunity to give to our work.  That’s not how this usually works.

Their donor record was at what you might call “Fort Knox” setting.  It had all the privacy settings selected for folks who just don’t want to be contacted.  All these boxes were checked: “do not call, do not mail, do not solicit.”  Of course, I had to at least write a note back.

What I wanted to say was, “Are you nuts?  Do you have any idea how hard it is to raise money for an organization, even one with this mission?  People in my line of work would physically fight each other for one donor like you.  Don’t write to me thanking us.  You were our honor, not the other way around!”

Of course I didn’t say any of that.  The bit about fundraisers fighting each other was the only thing I considered including.  Alright, not really.  I wouldn’t write a word of it…especially anything about it not being their honor to give to us.  I know the kind of people that give to CSC, I know it wouldn’t be true.  These people love that someone is being the hands and feet of Christ in a far away place and that they can join in.

I did say this much: “we responded to God’s call to serve orphans together.”  That we did.  And to this couple who will probably live without ever having read a single blog, least of all mine, I want to say “thank you.  Not a day of ministry happens here without people like you.”

Leave a comment | posted in CSC-USA Stuff

January 4, 2011

In the end: can’t-miss glory

By matthewbuley

Last night I listened to some of John Piper’s message via live feed from P2011, the Passion Conference in Atlanta.  He was talking about the ultimate goal being in God’s glory, in all things.  This can strike some people as troubling because that means His love for us, His leaving the 99 and seeking out the one, His sacrifice on the cross all have as their ultimate intent God’s glory.

Piper cited a few scriptures, including Luke 4:14-20, the heralding of Jesus’ birth by the Angels begins “Glory to God in the highest.”  2 Corinthians 5:15 was another example: “…He died for all, so that they who live might no longer live for themselves, but for Him who died and rose again on their behalf.”  Notice it says He died for all so we’d live for Him.

I can understand why some might struggle with the idea that God’s intent in all things is His own glory.  There are many nonbelievers who paint God as an attention-hound who just creates things to worship Him as some kind of filler of His insecurities.  We can easily picture a selfish man who makes everything about himself and uses others to feel good about who he is.  The question is, how is God different from that?

For one, the selfish man I am picturing only leaves others worse off.  He’s drained their energy to serve his own purposes.  God makes others better.  He fulfills their purpose in drawing them into the truth of his glory.  God’s glory isn’t changing or going away, and the God of glory would neither separate himself from it or ignore it.  He is saying, “I love you and I’ll prove it.  Here’s you for starters.  Look at yourself and recognize you’re my creation knitted together–I filled a gap in this world with you!  Here’s the cross of your restoration, here’s also the opportunity to do well and to please me.  You can be pleased in me and I in you–we share that in this love I have.  You are totally dependent on Me, but not because your worship changes me or betters me (here’s where God and the selfish man part ways more, the selfish man requires the outside attention for his benefit and ego), but because I want to draw you into Me in the greatest thing there is—my glory.”  We can’t share God’s glory as it’s source, but we can share IN God’s glory!  That is quite a privilege.  The selfish man doesn’t share any of his things or any of his attention…that is what makes him selfish.  He does enough to get what he wants.  God gave it all on a cross to get what He wanted…us.  You.  Me.  Yet, the ultimate end in that isn’t you or me.  How could it be?  Neither of us is a worthy end.  We are sin-stained and weak.  We could keep on living a thousand years and still not beat sin for a week straight.  We are strong when we accept redemption by the perfect sin sacrifice of God’s son.

Instead, there at the end of all of things is God’s glory.  It is perfect.  We will one day see it and reflect it, and I’m confident it will be nothing close to anything we’ve seen or experienced on earth.  How could we serve a God who’s chief end was us?  That would be pathetic.  I want to serve a God who is so magnificent that the only option for a “chief end” is Him!

My two cents.  Bless you today and into 2011.

2 comments | posted in Faith & Theology

December 15, 2010

Working faith

By matthewbuley
Unless the Lord builds the house,
They labor in vain who build it;
Unless the Lord guards the city,
The watchman keeps awake in vain.
It is vain for you to rise up early,
To retire late,
To eat the bread of painful labors;
For He gives to His beloved even in his sleep.

Those first two verses of Psalm 127 speak into something I’ve wondered about a lot.  How do we explain the success CSC has had these last 31 years?  I think part of the answer lies in this passage of scripture.  It’s about faith.  Real faith which is not without real work.

I’ve seen people and organizations say “the Lord will provide” and it seems to have stemmed from laziness.  Kind of like, “I sure hope He does, because we haven’t put the work in ourselves.”  I’ve done it myself.  I once prayed for a sort of download of financial understanding before a meeting I hadn’t prepared for.  I reasoned (with the creator of me and the universe) that it would also be fine if the finances didn’t get too much focus.  Uh, it didn’t go well.  Not surprisingly, God didn’t cover for my laziness or act as my genie in a bottle.

This Psalm makes it clear the workers are still doing their part: people still build, and the watchman stays awake.  The people are at work, but ultimately the task and the result belong to the Lord.  What is “in vain” is putting it all upon ourselves: working inordinate hours, being consumed with painful labor.  We are to build, and keep watch, but we are to do so in the Lord’s construction and under the Lord’s guard.  If not, we are simply wasting our time.

That is what CSC has done well I think.  It has been about trust in God, not without plenty of work by human hands, but with a clear trust that this type of ministry pleases God and that He is ultimately in control.

Leave a comment | posted in CSC-USA Stuff

October 29, 2010

She was perfect, just like you

By matthewbuley

John Ray and Rufa Mae are ready for speaking duties.

“Nobody’s perfect.”  We’ve heard it said countless times to shrug off some mistake or shortcoming.  No question, we all make mistakes, but I think there’s fundamental error in that statement.  We’re all perfect.

I’ve been thinking about a perfect kid all week, Rufa Mae.  She died very suddenly on Tuesday.  Just like that we had to say goodbye.

Rufa was a CSC kid through and through, even though she never actually lived at the shelter.  We originally met Rufa Mae and her family through our Cebu Office Manager, lawyer and accountant, Joanna (yep, this is all one incredibly gifted person).  When Joanna met Rufa Mae and her brother John Ray, she recognized our Children of Hope School could be just the place for them.

Rufa Mae had, and John Ray has, brittle bone disease.  This condition means incredible restrictions, especially where the kids were living when we met them.  Their family would have to place them in baskets, surrounded by blankets, and carefully navigate mountain terrain to bring them anywhere.  It had made school all but impossible, which was especially tragic given the intelligence of these kids.  After Joanna referred them, CSC invited them to join our school, and eventually built the family a home near the shelter.  In the five years since we met them, the entire family has become a part of ours.  They are amazing.

You don’t need to look further than their two kids with brittle bone disease.  The disease has meant extraordinary physical restrictions, but consistently they have both been extraordinary in their response.  Rufa Mae had a smile that demanded a smile in return, her approach towards life is a lesson I won’t forget.  All week I’ve been thinking about the small stuff I fret and get frustrated by, and how small it is compared with what Rufa faced.

Rufa Mae also has me thinking about a fundamental belief I hold.  I believe God created her, just like He created you and me.  I don’t believe she was an accidental mix of cells.  I also don’t believe Rufa Mae never got to live the life she “could have.”  She certainly could have been mad at God for not making her like everyone else.  From a biological perspective, her make-up was damaged.  Her bones should not have been so brittle.  But if there is really a God who is all powerful and creating, then nothing was faulty about Rufa Mae.  If God made her just the way she was, then she was perfect.

I would like to believe this about myself, wouldn’t you?  You are either a hodge-podge of DNA and biology, or you are perfect.  You might not like this or that about yourself, but if God created you then you were missing from the place He made.  He saw a void that only you could fill. You may not be able to walk, you may not feel smart enough, you may be facing disease, but you were made that way.  It angers and confounds us.  Why can’t I just be like him or her?  Smart, pretty, strong…whatever.  But an eternal God didn’t want everyone to meet a human definition of all those things, he made us with all our self-described flaws.  He wanted you, a perfect you…so much that he created you.

Thanks Rufa Mae.  Thanks for that shining that smile and approach to life into mine, and thanks for a reminder about who I really am.

3 comments | posted in CSC Kids

September 16, 2010

Just a family

By matthewbuley

It’s been more than three years now since our family of two became our family of six.  Well, I’ll be honest, it’s probably been a little less time since we all felt like a family of six.  I remember a picture one of the kids drew of our house in the early days.  Classic attachment stuff was just pouring out of this drawing, you certainly didn’t need to be an expert to see it.  For one the artist was much smaller than anyone else in the picture.  Too small, like they didn’t quite count as much.  Beyond that, the drawing showed our four kids outside playing, and Theresa and I inside…watching TV.  I hated that picture.  That drawing confirmed so many insecurities I was feeling.  There were four kids, and two adults…it just wasn’t obvious there was one family.

We never talked about the picture, and I’m glad.  There was too much emotion tied up there for everybody.  We were hurt by it, and the child would have just been confused by what were saying, and our emotional investment in it.  It was best left alone.

Contrast this to memories of the past week.  Laying on the sofa across from one of my teenagers (at 35 years old, I will already have three of them by next Wednesday) talking about who they have a crush on.  Joy coming back for a second hug before she left for school this morning.  Driving by the bus stop the other day and seeing Raymund standing on his tip-toes to wave to me as I headed off to a meeting.  Mark begging for Facebook.  Making a change in insurance so we can afford Remir getting his driver’s license.

Three years later, we’re just a family.  As I type that a smile crosses my face.  It’s the smile of someone who took a step of faith and is watching God lead his path.  It’s the smile of a parent who used to be an expert on parenting teenagers when he was a youth leader at church…and then got some of his own.  More than anything, it’s the smile of someone who knows he’s loved.

Just a family.  It’s what so many kids are praying for when they go to bed in Cebu.  It’s what newly adopted kids are learning to be a part of while they learn their new country, school, routine…their new life.  It’s not the fairy tale they thought it would be.  It’s not as easy as their parents might have imagined.  It’s imperfect, real, and God-willing, united for good.  It’s dinner together, arguments, homework help, playing cards, Friday nights out to eat and walks down an aisle.  It’s just about everything.  Man am I thankful we’re just a family.

Leave a comment | posted in Adoption

July 21, 2010

Confidence shapers

By matthewbuley
I just got a very nice note of encouragement from Joel who serves CSC in Cebu.  He didn’t need to send it, and the more I think about it the more I appreciate him taking the time to do so.  In fact, I moved it into an e-mail folder I keep simply titled "encouragement."  The e-mails in there are great reminders of people’s kind words to me over the past couple years.  I’d recommend keeping a folder like this of your own.

I sometimes wonder where confidence comes from.  Like anything important, it comes from lots of places.  I think one of the things that has helped my confidence is doing things like keeping these notes of encouragement…valuing them, remembering them.  I had a conversation with a friend of Theresa’s and mine once where she confessed if someone complimented her she found her immediate response was to try to talk them out of the compliment.  To argue "no, I’m not really so good at that and here’s why."  At first, I thought it was almost comical.  It sounded like a skit: I’m worse than you think.  Of course, it’s really not funny at all.  It helped me realize that the very least I can do is accept someone’s kind word towards me.

I think about this with our kids a lot.  Encouraging doesn’t always come easy to me.  Correcting and improving come much easier.  I can see what’s wrong with something before I can see what’s right.  I have to do what’s counter to my instinct and celebrate them and their successes first.

This summer, our 12 year-old Mark, who is on a very good soccer team, scored a "hat trick."  Three goals in a game during a tournament they ended up winning.  I got his attention and threw my hat on the field to the amusement of the other parents.  I was tempted to be embarrassed about it later.  Why?  Because of what people I barely know think?  Mark could actually remember that for years to come.

Note to self: throw your hat on the field more often.  And be grateful for people like Joel who throw theirs too.

Leave a comment | posted in CSC Field Staff

May 25, 2010

Tonight

By matthewbuley
I am in Cebu…and I am thankful.  Just a little while ago I found myself walking up the ramp next to the Duterte Home, looking over this place that has come to mean so much to me.  Standing there in the middle of the yard, in the middle of three homes providing love and shelter to kids who need us so desperately, I silently prayed a prayer of thanks that my life has brought me here.It was a good night.  I had dinner with a number of our staff at the Healy’s house.  I was told a bathroom story that I hadn’t heard before, so that’s always fun.  Nothing says “you’re one of us” like tales from the C.R. (comfort room is restroom here in Cebu).  That reminds me.  Excuse me as I digress.  The other day I noticed we were down to the end of the last roll of toilet paper in the Duterte Home so I went to find some for a restock.  The first kid I saw was June, who is one of our nine and, well, awesome.  I asked June where I could find more toilet paper.  She approached me urgently and asked “are you CRing?”  I was able to tell her no, this wasn’t an emergency, but I appreciated her concern.

Tonight I came to the shelter from the Healy’s not sure if any kids would still be up.  I was thrilled to see the kids in Cherne watching a movie.  Before they went to bed we were able to play guitar, a board game or two, and then I led them in a quick devotion and a prayer goodnight.  We talked about Proverbs 4:23 and the importance of guarding our hearts.  50 weeks out of the year I am thousands of miles away from this, and I savor the time I have here.

On my way up to the school, where I’m writing now, I came upon our new house father Don Don.  He and Ivy are still very new members of our team.  We had a great talk about the three new kids we admitted today, the unique and 24-hour nature of his job, and then the empty lot sitting between the shelter and the school.  He and I decided we are going to round up some kids and walk over there to pray for CSC to get that space.  We were thinking the kids were just the people to have do that.  In many ways, this ministry is theirs, and I suppose kids come to prayer with hearts that have a little less noise in them sometimes.  If you think to join them, that would be appreciated.

Now, I have to figure out prizes to get should any of those kids have Proverbs 4:23 memorized when I see them tomorrow.  I’ll be hoping to have to give out a lot of them.

Leave a comment | posted in CSC Kids

April 22, 2010

Cutting room floor

By matthewbuley

I’m piecing together my talk for
Saturday’s banquet.  Taking the notes I’ve jotted down the past couple
weeks, making sense of them, expanding, deleting…speech preparation stuff.

I’m seeing a little section of my talk end up on the cutting room floor.
It’s not going to fit time wise or in the content of the talk, but I wanted to
share it.  I’ll be talking a little about my first trip to Cebu, about the
overwhelming experiences of being at the Children’s Shelter of Cebu for the
first time.  As I wrote about that, I couldn’t help but feel this:

If I knew then what I know now, I
wouldn’t have spent a day in Cebu City.  I would have gotten off the plane
and onto the first transportation I could find that would take me across the
island to Balamban, and then up to a little place not far from there.  I
would have ached to see my kids, and to tell them they were mine and one day I
would come for them for good.  Thankfully, I didn’t have to carry the
weight of that burden.  I didn’t yet know how God would use CSC to change
the very content of the Buley family tree.

I am a
dad, who also happens to be an adoptive dad.  And sometimes these are the
things you feel when you love your kids with all your heart, but haven’t been
able to all their lives.  Sometimes these are the things you try not to
think about–you’re better off loving them the best you can in the time you do
have.

 

2 comments | posted in Adoption

March 20, 2010

Some little news too

By matthewbuley
The big news at Children’s Shelter of Cebu these days is huge news in the history of CSC.  We’re adding kids in a fourth home, expanding our ministry and the lives who are reached in a loving Christian home.  I’ve been waiting for these days since I started almost six years ago!A small, quiet change happened here at the home office while this has been going on.  Our lease expired in our long-time office space in the basement of the old courthouse in January.  I was never too excited about the space, and felt kind of guilty about having my staff there a lot more than I was.  So, I started looking around Cambridge for a new space in December.  It wasn’t going to be easy as our landlords were giving us a great deal on a lot of square footage.  Another prospective landlord came by our office and said “you really are getting a good deal here!”  That didn’t give us a ton of hope there would be much in the way of options.

Thankfully, God works in the little things at CSC as much as the big.  I stumbled on the perfect spot out and about one day.  It’s smaller, but we don’t need nearly what we were using, and best of all, it’s actually cheaper.  On top of that it’s just off a busy road so our signage is visible to many more people each day.  There are no steps (a big deal when you pack and lug 50 pound boxes for international travel frequently), there’s much more parking and a more professional feel.

So, we moved…in January.  It’s not just that I’m slow with a camera, it took us a long time to consolidate and setup and get it looking more presentable.  Soon, we will be getting pictures of the kids up, windows installed and we’ll be all set to go.  Spending less to top it off–saving funds for where we want them: Cebu.


The sign will be going up soon.

Leave a comment | posted in CSC-USA Stuff

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